tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-67738684669670664362024-03-13T02:31:50.019+00:00Bir Yaz Gecesi RüyasıHayat, gece gökyüzüne bakıp
"Bir tane bile yıldız olmaz mı?"
derken meteor yağmuruna tanıklık etmekmiş...SummerSmilerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17971553253726295293noreply@blogger.comBlogger73125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6773868466967066436.post-58924294553951009342014-01-17T23:21:00.001+00:002014-01-17T23:21:40.535+00:00Writings on the Wall<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">As
a child and a teenager, I went through numerous tough times like many people. Moving
to a country with a totally different culture to the ones that I had known had
led me to witness the most difficult times of my life. The only advantage I had
in the beginning was probably knowing the language even though later on I found
out that, that didn’t matter much because no matter what a part of my will
always be a stranger to this beautiful city covered in a blanket of clouds.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; text-indent: 36pt;">And this is not the
point.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">I
was put into a special learning class in my secondary school. It was for kids
with learning difficulties. Other than my strange ADHD that leans more towards ADD,
I didn’t have any problems; I was there because I wasn’t born in this country. That
and everything else around me had put me off school and the environment in
general. But my dad had reasons on why we had to stay here and his reasons were
too good to go against. As I grew older he always told me to aim high because
even if I didn’t reach it, half of it would’ve been more than enough for me. Being
so young and naïve, I obviously saw things through my pink glasses, words going
through my ears and yet they had no meaning. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">When
I was around 13 or 14 I watched a movie called “A Beautiful Mind” I’m sure many
people know that it’s about the great mathematician John Nash. I ended up
reading his autobiography. I’m not sure why but </span><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: windowtext; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Massachusetts
Institute of Technology</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> (M.I.T.) had caught my maybe a little too
much. I asked my dad about the institution and I found out that it was one of
the best universities in the world.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">So
I aimed high, higher than I could’ve imagined. I wrote my aim on my small
whiteboard just to remind me at all times, like the coordinates of a star. I
didn’t get to go to M.I.T. for my undergraduate maybe, but I ended up being a
student at one of UK’s top 5 universities. Despite living so many horrid
moments personally and academically and almost giving up on everything a few
times, remembering what I had written on my wall had never failed to ignite the
motivation that had gone out several times. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Now
that I’m in my final year of university and still going through some rough
patches, I was reminded by the writings on the wall. I had aimed high and I suffered…a
lot, but I survived, what’s going to stop me this time?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">My
dad was right, even though I may have not reached the actual goal itself; I had
set my target so high that even landing on where I am now is more than the
halfway line.</span></div>
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SummerSmilerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17971553253726295293noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6773868466967066436.post-72257130401677017542013-09-09T20:53:00.003+01:002013-09-09T20:53:41.258+01:00Jewels<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">A night clearer than my eyes had seen in the most cloudless hours of the day light.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">If it was possible to witness heaven,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">It had laid right before my eyes.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">As a child, I had thought of the stars to be fury of loneliness,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">But now it was I, who was lonely under the stars.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Cold, inside and out, only to be wrapped around a thin orange shawl.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Trying to figure out and name the diamonds that hanged from the darkest skies,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Whilst the moon was hiding away.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Dizzied from the empirical beauty of the jewels above my head,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Enchanted, though I longed for your true presence instead.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br /></span>SummerSmilerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17971553253726295293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6773868466967066436.post-79518658628314029192013-09-03T10:31:00.000+01:002013-09-03T10:31:31.505+01:00Smile Again<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-s-epVzeqcm4/UiWcFtPTjVI/AAAAAAAAAIE/A_KC7m4B8Ck/s1600/i+can+make+you+smile.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-s-epVzeqcm4/UiWcFtPTjVI/AAAAAAAAAIE/A_KC7m4B8Ck/s400/i+can+make+you+smile.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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I guess I missed out again,<o:p></o:p></div>
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On a day that could’ve been filled with laughter.<o:p></o:p></div>
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My head’s been placed somewhere I can’t find,<o:p></o:p></div>
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But I promise, in the end it will all be fine.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Funny how you were the one who said these words,<o:p></o:p></div>
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So I’m barely the right author.<o:p></o:p></div>
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How many times will you be able to forgive?<o:p></o:p></div>
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Before you decide not to.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The memories of you,<o:p></o:p></div>
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They managed to run through my veins.<o:p></o:p></div>
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It’s easier than breathing<o:p></o:p></div>
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Your beauty I’m still learning to embrace.<o:p></o:p></div>
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At times I may be just a nuisance,<o:p></o:p></div>
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Know that I’m fighting my way through the dark.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I’ve already seen the glimmers up above,<o:p></o:p></div>
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And I’ll make you smile again. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Once a cold hearted woman,<o:p></o:p></div>
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Who kept it all deep inside.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Walking towards the future,<o:p></o:p></div>
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With no plausible aim set in mind.<o:p></o:p></div>
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You, the unexpected guest of the show,<o:p></o:p></div>
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Took the centre stage under the starless night.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Excuse me while I try to set my heart beat<o:p></o:p></div>
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Back to below the speed of light.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The memories of you,<o:p></o:p></div>
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They managed to run through my veins.<o:p></o:p></div>
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It’s easier than breathing<o:p></o:p></div>
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Your beauty I’m still learning to embrace.<o:p></o:p></div>
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At times I may be just a nuisance,<o:p></o:p></div>
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Know that I’m fighting my way through the dark.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I’ve already seen the glimmers up above,<o:p></o:p></div>
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And I’ll make you smile again. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>For U.K.:</i></div>
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<i><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgrrQwLdME8" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgrrQwLdME8</a></i></div>
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQSNhk5ICTI">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQSNhk5ICTI</a></div>
SummerSmilerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17971553253726295293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6773868466967066436.post-42912886582211156222013-08-27T18:11:00.000+01:002013-08-27T18:29:02.132+01:00Otel odasi - 24 Agustos 2013<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QQlR8XpekL0/UhzdG1tH6XI/AAAAAAAAAH0/GfzZWz64n4U/s1600/Fotor0827200726.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QQlR8XpekL0/UhzdG1tH6XI/AAAAAAAAAH0/GfzZWz64n4U/s400/Fotor0827200726.png" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<span lang="TR" style="color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-ansi-language: TR;">Suan sinirlerim okadar bozuk ki ne aglayacak gucum kaldi ne de bir damla
goz yasi. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="TR" style="color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-ansi-language: TR;">Gozlerim ve etrafi tamamen kurudu. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="TR" style="color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-ansi-language: TR;">Kalp atisimi bile duyamiyorum. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="TR" style="color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-ansi-language: TR;">Icimde disimda uyustu. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="TR" style="color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-ansi-language: TR;">Ne o'nu yeniden gorebildim, ne sarilabildim, ne de kokusunu yeniden icime
cekebildim. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="TR" style="color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-ansi-language: TR;">Aramizdaki mesafeyi azaltmama ragmen iki engel cikti karsimiza. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="TR" style="color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-ansi-language: TR;">Iki baba. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="TR" style="color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-ansi-language: TR;">Ne ben derdimi anlatabildim ne o anlatabildi. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="TR" style="color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-ansi-language: TR;">Ve suan tek kisilik yatakta adeta bi gerizekali gibiyim. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="TR" style="color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-ansi-language: TR;">Ne dusunucegimi bilmiyorum. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="TR" style="color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-ansi-language: TR;">"Bana kizdi mi acaba?" diye soruyorum kendime durmadan. Mesajlari okudum bir kac kez, ortada bana kizmasi icin pek bisey yok gibi geliyor ama bilemedim.
Umarim kizmamistir...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="TR" style="color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-ansi-language: TR;">Makyajimda akmis aglamaktan, gozlerim sismis. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="TR" style="color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-ansi-language: TR;">Okadar inanmistim ki bugunun guzel gecicegine. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="TR" style="color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-ansi-language: TR;">Ne desem ki simdi... <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="TR" style="color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-ansi-language: TR;">Mesajlarima cevap vermeyeli 1saatten fazla oldu, aradim mesgule atti. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="TR" style="color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-ansi-language: TR;">Saat 11olmus.... <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="TR" style="color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-ansi-language: TR;">Elimizden geleni yaptik ama degil mi? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="TR" style="color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-ansi-language: TR;">O'nu goremedigimi, dokunamadigimi, sicakligini hissedemedigimi farkettikce kalbimin
bir kismi kirilip milyonlarca parcalara ayriliyor. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="TR" style="color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-ansi-language: TR;">Fiziksel olarak gogusumde bi agri beliriyor. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="TR" style="color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-ansi-language: TR;"><i>Nefes almak bu kadar zor olmamali.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Buda Vine'i: <a href="https://vine.co/v/he9l2WmdDFH">https://vine.co/v/he9l2WmdDFH</a></span></b></i></div>
SummerSmilerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17971553253726295293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6773868466967066436.post-35604251570756305042013-08-05T09:23:00.003+01:002013-08-05T16:41:50.095+01:00Delta Aquariid<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>Can I lie down next to you for a little longer?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>On this white bench that’s been hurting our backs.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>Under the half-moon that’s been shining down on us,<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>As if we’re waiting for another meteor shower.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>How I wish I could stop the time,<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>Just to be in this position for infinity.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>Your hand in my hand, fingers intertwined.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>I think if I died now, I would be leaving the earth with a
smile.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>Traces of sand in my shoes and your scent wrapping my body,<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>My eyes are wide open yet it’s still like the best dream.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>My life is almost complete now that you’re beside me,<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>And now all I need is you for a few more eternity.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>My chest unfolds, revealing a once broken soul that’s now
mended,<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>Your voice echoes in my ears overshadowing the beats of my
heart. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>“I could do this forever, until the very end of time”<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>My mind freezes as your lips press mine.</i></span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 25px; text-align: start;">(Hayat, gece gökyüzüne bakıp "Bir tane bile yıldız </span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 25px; text-align: start;">olmaz mı?" derken meteor yağmuruna tanıklık etmekmi</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 18px; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;">ş</span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 25px; text-align: start;">...)</span></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 25px; text-align: start;"><br /></span></i></span></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-h7NNbjRAeD4/Uf9g1-PoawI/AAAAAAAAAHU/Dq0yj7mh5nc/s1600/halfmoon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-h7NNbjRAeD4/Uf9g1-PoawI/AAAAAAAAAHU/Dq0yj7mh5nc/s320/halfmoon.jpg" width="239" /></a></div>
<br />SummerSmilerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17971553253726295293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6773868466967066436.post-91952254946596963052013-06-29T15:30:00.002+01:002013-06-29T15:30:51.103+01:00Umut Kamber - Godfather Theme Song ( Slash )<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/trIEvsLGg4o" width="480"></iframe><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #cc0000; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;">♥</span>SummerSmilerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17971553253726295293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6773868466967066436.post-58416140156897935562013-06-29T14:25:00.001+01:002013-06-29T14:25:26.039+01:00Umut Kamber - Farewell Ballad ( ZW )<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/8idj3KrJN1U" width="480"></iframe><br />
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<b><i>:)</i></b>SummerSmilerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17971553253726295293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6773868466967066436.post-1203828844859276722013-06-22T16:03:00.000+01:002013-06-22T16:25:37.587+01:00Alice’in sigarası yanında da son vodkası... – 1<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://data.whicdn.com/images/22482184/tumblr_lvwn4jJgEK1r7wab6o1_500_large_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="306" src="http://data.whicdn.com/images/22482184/tumblr_lvwn4jJgEK1r7wab6o1_500_large_large.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white;">Yeni bir sayfa de</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9;">ğ</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white;">il, </span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9;">ö</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white;">nceden odan</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white;">n k</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9;">ö</span><span style="background-color: white;">ş</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white;">esinde sessizce a</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9;">ç</span>ı<span lang="TR" style="background-color: white;">lmay</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white;"> bekleyen yeni bir kitap.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Hatta en sevdi</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ğ</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">in t</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9;">ü</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">rden ama kendi t</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9;">ü</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">r</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9;">ü</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">nden bile farkl</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Dertlenip tek ba</span><span style="background-color: white;">ş</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">nayken, koca bir barda</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ğ</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">a vodka, yada gin, e</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ğ</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">er </span><span style="background-color: white;">ş</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ansl</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ysan viskiyi doldurup sigaran</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"> yakt</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span>ğı<span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">n gecelerde, o </span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ss</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">z, karanl</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">k odada ba</span><span style="background-color: white;">ş</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">bo</span><span style="background-color: white;">ş</span><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"> <span lang="TR">gezinirken hep bakm</span></span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span style="background-color: white;">ş</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">t</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">n o kitaba...<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Ama onu hep ayn</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"> noktada </span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ö</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ylece b</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">rakt</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">n, <i>her defas</i></span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><i>ı</i></span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><i>nda.</i><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Kendine geldi</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ğ</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">inde akl</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">nda an</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">s</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"> bile kalmam</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span style="background-color: white;">ş</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">tı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"> belkide.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Alice gibi o gizemli duvarlar</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">n ard</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ndaki d</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9;">ü</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">nyay</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"> merak ettin, kap</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">y</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"> <span lang="TR">aralad</span></span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">n ama o delikten giremeyecek kadar yanl</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span style="background-color: white;">ş</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">
boyuttayd</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">n.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Aylar</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9;"> ge</span><span style="background-color: white;">ç</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9;">tik</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ç</span>e hafızana kazınmaya baslamı<span style="background-color: white;">ş</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9;">t</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span> ama sen bunun farkına varamayacak kadar sarho<span style="background-color: white;">ş</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9;"> ve bitkindin.</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Ge</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ç</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">mi</span><span style="background-color: white;">ş</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ten kalma k</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">r</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">nt</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">lar</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"> <span lang="TR">temizleme vakti geldi</span></span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ğ</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">inde </span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ö</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">n</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9;">ü</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">n</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9;">ü</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ne d</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9;">ü</span><span style="background-color: white;">ş</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9;">ü</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">verdi ve kendini ortaya koydu.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><b><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">"Ben burday</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span></b></i><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><i><b>m"</b></i> dercesine.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Bir insan hayal edin...</i><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Ge</span><span style="background-color: white;">ç</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">mi</span><span style="background-color: white;">ş</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">i kocaman bir s</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">r ve gelece</span><span style="background-color: white;">ğ</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ine ad</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">m at</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">lmam</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">s.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Ne uza</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ğ</span>ı<span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">nda ne de yak</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">nlar</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">nda.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">O hep oradayd</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"> asl</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ı</span><span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">nda ama sen hi</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">ç</span> bir zaman <i>oraya
</i>varamamı<span style="background-color: white;">ş</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">tı</span>n…<span lang="TR" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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SummerSmilerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17971553253726295293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6773868466967066436.post-44439850978172337102013-04-23T10:18:00.001+01:002013-04-23T10:18:52.413+01:00Iki Sarkinin Arasindaki Farki Bulun...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/jZhQOvvV45w?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Gecen yil bu tarihlerde universiteye geri donerken gecirdigim tren yolculugunu hatirladim simdi. <b>One republic - good life</b> sarkisini bastan sona kadar 10 kez dinlemisimdir. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><u><i>Hayatim ozaman mukemmel diyebilcegim gibiydi. </i></u></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Ingilterenin en iyi 3.universitesindeydim, sevdigim kocaman bi arkadas grubum vardi, haftanin en az 4 5 gecesi partilerle gecerdi, uzakta olmasina ragmen cok sevdigim ve deger verdigim bi sevgilim vardi. 18-19 yasindaydim, ne cocuktum nede tam bi yetiskindim. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Camdan disariya bakarken kendi kendime gulumseyip durmustum. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><i><b>Simdi? </b></i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Ne zaman kurtulcam bu cehennemden der oldum. O arkadas grubumun gercek yuzlerini gordum. Farkli arkadaslar edindim ama yetmedi. Butun yil disari cikmadim, partilere gitmedim. Sevgilimden ayrilali aylar oldu ama bu halimden memnunum, her ne kadar oyle bi sevgiden sifira dustugume halen inanamasamda, icimde o sevgi boslulugubu hissetsemde, iyiyim. Ev arkadaslarima dayanamiyorum. 20 yasindayim ve 21e 2 ay kaldi..halen hayati ogrenmekle mesgulum. Bazi seyleri umursamamayi bazi olaylarida daha ciddiye almam gerektigini farkettim. Hemen universiteyi bitirip mezun olmak istiyorum. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><i>Kulaklarimda mi? </i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><b>Six degrees of separation - the script. </b></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">"and the 6th is when you admit that you may have fucked up a little..."</span></div>
SummerSmilerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17971553253726295293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6773868466967066436.post-79793953809672585482013-04-15T23:14:00.004+01:002013-06-22T16:08:29.463+01:00Beyaz Bayrak...<br />
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Ve sonunda, genelde yapmadigimi yaptim. <b>Pes ettim.</b></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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Hani derler ya pes etme, istedigin seyin pesinden git falan
filan diye ama bazen “tamam, buraya kadar” demesinide bilmemiz lazim. Pes
etmek, her zaman gucsuz oldugumuzu gostermez, tam aksine, ne kadar guclu
olabilcegimizin kanitidir. Kolay degildir. Ozellikle uzun sure ugrastiysaniz ve
yeniden gelecegi dusundugunuzde sandiginiz kadar size faydasi olmayacaginin farkina
vardiysaniz beyaz bayragi sallamanin vakti gelmistir belkide.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<u>En azindan benim icin oyle.</u><o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>Haaa bide unutmadan,
vazgectigim seyler listesinde sende varsin Tyler.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>Sen ve“Seni seviyorum” larin.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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SummerSmilerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17971553253726295293noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6773868466967066436.post-87521706277889271912013-04-09T08:58:00.000+01:002013-04-09T08:58:02.953+01:00Sonunda Anladim..<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Insanlarin neden birisine degilde biseye deger verdiklerini,
anladim, hemde cok iyi anladim. Bunun farkina varmak kendi capina uzucu bi olay
ama bizi bu duruma iten insanlarin var olmasi daha da kotu.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Birisine deger verdiginizde kim olursa olsun, o kisi
cocugunuz olmadigi surece elbet bir beklentiniz olur. Sizin ona verdiginiz degere
esit olmasa, en azindan yarisinin size geri dondugunu gormek istersiniz,
beklersiniz. Bazen beklentinizin oldugunu gostermezsiniz ama tabiki o
icinizdedir, sakin ve sessizce bekler, sonrada gelmeyince patlar.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ama biseye deger vermek oyle mi? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hayir.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-size: 10.5pt;"><i>“Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can
only be changed from one form to another.”</i></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-size: 10.5pt;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yani enerji yoktan var olmaz, yok edilemez,
sadece sekil degistirir demisler zamaninda.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-size: 10.5pt;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Bu aslinda ne kadarda dogru bi lafmis, duygular
icinde gecerliymis. Rebound olarak gordugumuz insanlardan ornek alin mesela. Once
birisinden hoslanirsiniz, seversiniz, onunla olmaz sonra baska birisiyle
tanisirsiniz ve onceki kisiye olan duygularinizin bi parcasi yada hepsi belkide
daha fazlasini ona yoneltirsiniz. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-size: 10.5pt;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Birinden sonra biseye deger vermekte aynen
boyle iste.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-size: 10.5pt;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i>Bizi bu hale dusurenler utansin.</i></b></span></span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-size: 10.5pt;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></span></div>
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<i>The Fray - Heartless</i></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-size: 10.5pt;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></span></div>
SummerSmilerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17971553253726295293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6773868466967066436.post-54953089570309176142013-03-30T20:06:00.003+00:002013-03-30T20:06:35.096+00:00O kimsenin degil..<br />
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<a href="http://data.whicdn.com/images/8647560/tumblr_ljaqaektvT1qit2lso1_500_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="258" src="http://data.whicdn.com/images/8647560/tumblr_ljaqaektvT1qit2lso1_500_large.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">O kimsenin degil.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">O kendisine ait ozgurlgune duskun, hayalleri olan, hayatini
yasamaya calisan bir genc.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Cogumuz gibi.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Belkide butun bu olanlar bana bi dersti. Bu gercegi, O’nun
boyle oldugunu yeniden hatirlamak adina. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Kendimi farkli bi sekilde kontrol etmeyi ogrendim sanki.
Bitkisel stress giderici ilaclari 2 gundur almayi unutuyorum ama bi farkliyim.
Nasil yada neden bilmiyorum.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Ama olaylari eskisi kadar anlamaya calismiyorum. Merak
etmiyor degilim ama ustunde fazla durmuyorum.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Cunku o ne benim, ne senin, nede baska birisinin.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i><u>Tipki benim gibi.</u></i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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SummerSmilerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17971553253726295293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6773868466967066436.post-31500876398580645162013-03-27T17:25:00.001+00:002013-03-27T17:25:23.555+00:008. Gun<br />
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2 gun hastaneye git gel git gel yaptiktan sonra agrim
azalmaya basladi. Dun saat sabah 9da gidipte 12ye kadar anca doktor gorebilmek
ayri bi olaydi zaten. Sabah yine agriyla uyandim. 9da hastaneye vardik,
resepsiyona gittim, dogum tarihimi, ev adresimi ve ismimi verdim, 2 kez cunku
kadin ilk seferinde aglayan bebekler yuzunden beni duyamadi. Yarim saat gecti,
otururken daha da agriyan gogus kafesime dayanamicak gibi oldum. Bi yarim saat
daha gecti, ismim halen cagirilmadi. Siraniz birazdan gelir dediler bide. 2
saatte anca hemsireyi gorebildim. Sistemde benim adim yerine baskasinin ismine
tiklamislar durmadan onu cagirip durmuslar, sonrada resepsiyondaki kadin bana
laf atmaya calisiyo agzina sictim tabi (afedersiniz ama gogusunuzun sol
tarafinda agri varsa 2 saat hemsire icin beklemek sacmalik) Hemsire problemimi
soruyo, anlatiyorum, hastaligimi bile bilmiyo. Tamam oyle pek bilinen bisey
degil ama doktor biliyodur umarim dedim kendime. 1 saatte doktor icin bekledim.
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Ohoooo! </b>Doktor bana bu rahatsizligimi duydugunu soyluyo
gidiyo bana google’dan buldugu sayfayi okuyo. Salak misin? Ben 100 tane
sayfadan okumusum sen daha benim rahatsizligimla digerini karistiriyosun.
Neyse. Sonunda bana daha agir bi agri kesici verdi.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><u>Sonuc:</u></b><o:p></o:p></div>
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Mayis sonunda Ankara’ya gidicem, ameliyatimdan once yada
sonra belkide ameliyat sirasinda buyuk bi olasilikla gogusume kortizon ignesi
yapilicak. Umarim ameliyat sirasinda olur ignenin zaten acittigini biliyorum,
kortizon girerkende yakiyomus, bide gogus olunca daha hassas tabi bide gogus
kafesi olunca akcigeri delme olasiligi varmis. Yani biliceginiz ben burda bi
c-c-c-combo(!) yapabilirim. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<i><b>Simdiden bana sans dileyin :)</b></i><o:p></o:p></div>
SummerSmilerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17971553253726295293noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6773868466967066436.post-81058445720823307022013-03-24T17:58:00.000+00:002013-03-24T17:58:01.735+00:00Film Seridi<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://data.whicdn.com/images/24505041/tumblr_m0fr3nyLwv1qil418o1_500_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://data.whicdn.com/images/24505041/tumblr_m0fr3nyLwv1qil418o1_500_large.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Sen hic sevdigini kaybettin mi? Hayata degil, baska
birisine. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Hayata olsaydi belkide bi sekilde alisirdin zamanla, zor
olsada, onu gorememek, onu yeniden bagirina basip koklayamamak olsada, belkide
aylar yada yillar sonra alisirdin onun yoklululuguna… Bilemem.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Ama sunu bilirimki, ucuncu bir sahisa kaybetmek kalbi
kirmaz, parcalar. Baskasinin dudaklarini once parmaklariyla gezdiricek olmasi,
sonrada ona simsiki sarilip icine cekicek olmasi ve o anin hic bitmemesini
dilemesi… Tipki bir zamanlar seninle yaptigi gibi. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Gecmisten kalan anilarinizi bir film seridi gibi kafanizdan
izlememeye direnirken, ruyalar size zorla gosterir bu sessiz, belkide son
kullanma tarihi gecmis filmi. O an hissettiklerinizle beraber simdiki
cektiginiz aciyi birlestirir gizlice ve bu film bittiginde butun bu duygularin
en yogun hali sizde kalirki, uyandiginizda bile atlatamazsiniz. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Susuyorum. Sessizligim
konussun birazda.<o:p></o:p></div>
SummerSmilerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17971553253726295293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6773868466967066436.post-77913636436467602592013-03-24T12:37:00.004+00:002013-03-24T12:38:50.797+00:005. Gun<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://data.whicdn.com/images/270940/20090103010151_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="262" src="http://data.whicdn.com/images/270940/20090103010151_large.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Sabah uyandigimda kalp atisi: 60 </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Agri basladiginda:84 </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">- - - - </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Kalbim nasil atiyodu oyle. Bogazima kadar hissettim, titredim. Sabah uyandigimda pek bi agrim yoktu, mide bulantisida. Sadece ayaga kalkip gezinmeye basladigimda biraz agri belirdi ama yogunlasmadan 50 slaytlik dersimi hallettim, geride 60 slayt falan kaldi sanirim. Neyseki bugun daha iyi gibiyim. Belkide gercekten iyi olmak istemem bunuda etkiliyodur.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">- - - - -</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">2 saat araliksiz agri cektim. Sabah 10da baslayip oglen 12de biten...</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Gerci halen devam ediyo ama napalim..</span>SummerSmilerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17971553253726295293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6773868466967066436.post-686666888871507552013-03-23T19:22:00.001+00:002013-03-23T19:22:09.947+00:004. Gun devami + Tyler'a ithafen..<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/ZvzwYUz66bo?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">"<span style="font-size: 14px;">And now my eyes are open</span></span></i></div>
<span style="font-size: 14px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And now my heart is closing"</span></i></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">5 dakika ders calismak icin oturuyorum. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Okadar gaza gelmistimki agriyi dusunmemeye calisip iyi olmayi kafama takmistim. Ama 5 dakikada agridan nefes nefese kaldim, basim dondu, vucudumu tutamaz oldum. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">- - - - - - - - - </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">- - - - - - - - - </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">- - - - - - - - - </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Saatler gecti ama agrim gecmedi. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Dusundumde... </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Son hareketinle kendimi salak gibi hissettim. Sana verdigim deger fazla mi diye dusundurdun. Tavrin ve konusma tarzin simdiden degisti. Yani bildigin gotun havada ve orda oylece kaldi. Bunlari sana durustce yuzune soyleyebilmek isterdim ama gunu geldiginde bunlari okuyacagini biliyorum. Bunu soylememin sebebide seni sevdigimden. Taniyipta sevdigim adamin %87si artik bana yabanci olmus. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Elinden geldigince beni mutlu etmeye calisiyomussun... </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Ankara'da ve ondan sonra yaptigin kirici seyler ve sozler az olabilir belkide ama okadar inciticiydiki, aynisini ben sana yapsaydim kesin dayanamazdin, ceker giderdin. Simdilik seni ozlemiyorum, ozleyemiyorum. Tanidigim samimi, icten adami ozlemekle yetiniyorum. Kendimi yanindayken huzurlu ve guvende hissettigim kisi artik yok gibi. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Viber'imi bile yenilemiyorum cunku senden bi daha oyle guzel sozler duyacagima inanmiyorum. Acikcasi, sana guvenemiyorun. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Ve ben buna cok uzuluyorum..</span><br />
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<a href="http://data.whicdn.com/images/39515175/tumblr_mbisd2gBDl1r5i834o1_1349608257_cover_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://data.whicdn.com/images/39515175/tumblr_mbisd2gBDl1r5i834o1_1349608257_cover_large.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;"><i><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;"><i><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">"And I feel so helplessly</span></i></span></div>
<i><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="font-size: 14px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Watch my eyes are filled with fear </div>
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Tell me do you feel the same </div>
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Hold me in your arms again"</div>
</span></span></i>SummerSmilerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17971553253726295293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6773868466967066436.post-29043502444879185012013-03-23T09:06:00.001+00:002013-03-23T09:06:15.572+00:004. Gun<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://data.whicdn.com/images/24138011/cfd8317adfee0b5007186a6df80ad14f318cb9e7_m_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="http://data.whicdn.com/images/24138011/cfd8317adfee0b5007186a6df80ad14f318cb9e7_m_large.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Sabah yine mide bulantisiyla uyandim, oysa pek bi agrim yoktu. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Annemlerin yanina gittim, 2 ay sonra olucagim ameliyati konustuk sonra konu gogus kafesime geldi. Ne annem nede babam doktor. Annem internette buldugu cozumleri babama anlatip durdu, kocaman bi igneyi gogusume bi kac sefer sokup iyilestirceklermis o siskinligi. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Iki yada uc kikirdagim okadar siski, ortadaki kemigi derime dogru itmis. Elle hissedilir bi halde ama bu 5 6 yildir boyle. Babamda tamam ondan yaptiririz dedi. Bana soran olmadi tabi neden sorsunlar ki? </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Sonucta bu benim vucudum, benim hastaligim ve nerdeyse 21 yasindayim ne haddime?!</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Igneyi yada nasil yapildigini gormeden, her ay yapilmasi gerektigini bilmeden tamam diyo bide... Ameliyat olmami istememelerinin tek nedeni gogusumde iz kalirmis. Bazen okadar aci cekiyorumki, kendi elimle o kikirdaklari cekip kopartmak istiyorum (!) Peki ya igne yaparken bisey olsa ve akcigerim delinse? Sonucta bu igne gogusume bi kac sefer girmeyecek mi? Imkansiz bisey degilki bu.. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Bu yazimi sadece sag elimle yazabiliyorum cunku sol tarafimi hareket ettirdigimde kemiklerim kirilicakmiscasina agriyor. Babamda sanki olucekmisim gibi davraniyo, annemle tartisiyo, bide bagiriyo, bu cektigim yetmiyomus gibi.. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Neyse ben nefesimi saymaya devam ediyim en iyisi..</span></div>
SummerSmilerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17971553253726295293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6773868466967066436.post-64687322890251436382013-03-22T12:39:00.001+00:002013-03-22T13:35:44.904+00:003. Gun<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://data.whicdn.com/images/48084766/tumblr_mg29myqvom1qinh1vo1_400_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://data.whicdn.com/images/48084766/tumblr_mg29myqvom1qinh1vo1_400_large.jpg" width="307" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Gogus kafesimdeki agri bile gulumsememe neden olucak nerdeyse. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><b><i>3 gun oldu. </i></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Kalbim sikisiyo sanki 3 gundur. Artik okadar agriyo ki, midem bulaniyo, basim donuyo. Oturamiyorum bile. Yemek yiyemiyorum, istahsizim. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Bunlari gozlerim kapali yazabilmek isterdim aslinda cunku bi okadarda yorgunum. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Okadar cok agri kesici aliyorumki kafam iyi oldu, olucak sanki. Bide ustune aldigim bitkisel stres giderici/sakinlestirici haplar (bunu sonra anlatirim)... Kusmamak icin kendimi zor tutuyorum. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Egzersiz yapmak ve kafein tuketmekte yasaklandi. Arada nefes almaya gucum yetmeyecekmis gibi hissediyorum. Yoruluyorum, zorlaniyorum.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Babamlarda bugun cok tedirgin. Zaten annem telaslaniyosa kesin durum ciddi demektir cunku o her zaman soguk kanlidir. Dunden daha kotu gorunuyomusum.. Farkinda bile degilim. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><i>Neyse ben nefeslerimi saymaya devam ediyim..</i></span></div>
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SummerSmilerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17971553253726295293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6773868466967066436.post-19654618115621895692013-03-22T12:32:00.003+00:002013-03-22T16:52:40.902+00:00Gece Yarisi..<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://data.whicdn.com/images/21938872/tumblr_lxwkcyC9gT1qmt5mvo1_500_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="226" src="http://data.whicdn.com/images/21938872/tumblr_lxwkcyC9gT1qmt5mvo1_500_large.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<i style="color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Dun gece, uyumadan once yatagimda uzanirken bi sure tavana baktim. </i><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><i>Sessizlige, inanmadigim guce, O'nun mutlulugu icin yalvardim. </i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><i>Bugulanmis gozlerimi kapattim.</i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><i>O tek hareketle, coktan kizarmis yanaklarima bi kac damla yas dokuldu hizlica. </i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><i>Ne bi daha gozlerimi acmaya yuzum kaldi, nede sessizlikle konusmaya...</i></span>SummerSmilerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17971553253726295293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6773868466967066436.post-43477729941641043462013-03-17T17:37:00.000+00:002013-03-17T17:37:09.346+00:005 yasindaydim..<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Ankara'daki ilk evimizdeydik, ben, annem ve babam. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">O aksam televizyonda futbol maci vardi. Mac oldugu gunlerde aksam yemegini oturma odasinda yerdik mutfakta televizyon yok diye. Bi kac kucuk esyayi goturmek icin anneme yardim ediyodum. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><i>Sonrada annemi bulamayinca panikledim. </i></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Oturma odasindan koridora dogru kosarken ayagim haliya takildi ve karsidaki tuvaletin kapisina resmen uctum. Babamin yanima kostugunu hatirliyorum. Anneme havlu getir diye bagirdigini bide. Annem gidip bana lila rengindeki havlusunu getirdi ve alnimi kapatti. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Herkes panik halindeyken ben olan biteni anlayamamistim. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br /></span>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><b><i>Sonra biseyler oldu.</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Taksi geldi. Annemin dizine yattim ve tek gorebildigim sey taksimetreydi. Telsizin sesini duydum butun yol boyunca. Bide babamin agladigini hatirliyorum. Hayatimda ilk kez o gun babamin agladigina taniklik etmistim. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Bi hastaneye vardik ama ordan tek hatirladigim sey hemen ciktigimizdi. Ikinci hastaneye nasil gittigimizi hatirlamiyorum, sadece beni sedyeyle goturduklerini, tekerleklerin sesini, bagirislari ve etrafimda sayamayacagim kadar insanlarin oldugunu. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Gercek mi ruya mi bilmiyorum, ama asiri bir huzur vardi icimde. Rahattim hatta mutlu sayilirdim. Okadar panigin icinde bunlar gercekten hissettim mi emin olamiyorum. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Sanki bi ara kendimi o sedyede gordum ama bunun ruya oldugundan emin gibiyim. </span><br />
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<i><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Beyaz bi odaya almislardi beni. Yabancilarin beni tuttugunu gorunce cigliklar atip aglamaya basladim. <b>Doktorun alnima dikis attigini hissettim. </b></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><b>Igneyi derimden gecirip ipi cektigini. </b></span></i></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Butun bunlardan sonra hatirladigim tek sey, eve dondugumuzde mutlu olmamdi. Yuruyodum. Eve girince girisin sag tarafindaki aynaya baktim. Alnimda beyaz bi bandaj. Yavasca dokundum ve yansimama gulumsedim. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Oysa o gece alnimi okadar kotu yarmistimki cok kan kaybetmisim. Tabi o yasta bunlari nerden anlayabilirdim? </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Bazen dusunuyorum, eger o geceyi atlatamasaydim, suan burda olmasaydim nasil olurdu diye. Ama her seferinde ayni sonuca variyorum, </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><b><i><u>Her ne kadar aci ceksekte, bu hayat yasamaya deger.</u></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><b><i><u><br /></u></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><b><i><u><br /></u></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #454545; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><b><i><u><br /></u></i></b></span></div>
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SummerSmilerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17971553253726295293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6773868466967066436.post-80029363430187029532013-03-13T10:35:00.000+00:002013-03-13T10:35:13.582+00:00Yoruldum<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Insani en cok yoran hayat midir? Yoksa hayatinda
barindirdigi insanlar midir? Bu ikisi aslinda ayni midir? Birbirlerinden ne
kadar farklilardir?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Neden hep hersey tek yonluymus gibi gelir? Yada oyledir?</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Birisine deger verirsiniz ve bu verdiginiz degerinin ceyregi
bile size geri donmez. Birisini seversiniz ama o asla bunun degerini bile
bilmez. Sansliysaniz, hersey bittiginde kaybettiklerinin farkina varir ve iste
ozaman pisman olur. Sansliysaniz diyorum cunku herseyden habersiz bencil
insanlarda var asla verdiginizin anlamini bile bilmeyen. Sirf bi gulumsemesi
icin okadar ugrasirsiniz ama onun icin sadece bi hayaletsinizdir. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Uzucu.</i></span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Sanirim en iyisi, DUYGULAR: OFF, HAYAT: ON</i></span></div>
SummerSmilerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17971553253726295293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6773868466967066436.post-91107856114137268452013-03-13T00:12:00.000+00:002013-03-13T00:12:04.206+00:00Ben bir cocuk sevdim...<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<b style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Ben bir cocuk sevdim.</b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Daha 15 yasindaydim onu ilk gordugum gun. Dunyadan habersiz,
kendi hayatinda olan biteni bile anlamayan ben, kapidan giren o gizemli cocugun
etkisinde hapsolmustum. Kacamadigim bir zindan gibi. Gozlerinde topragin
verdigi hayati, sesinde en sevdigim sarkilari barindiriyordu benden izinsiz.Ilk
kez birine ondan hoslandigimi itiraf ettigim kisiydi. Nasil
cesaretlenmissem.Istedigim, umut ettigim karsiligi alamamistim ama yinede
vazgecememistim ondan. O hep benimleydi.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Sonra beni kirdi.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><u>Kalbimi kiran ilk yabanci O’ydu.</u><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Sanirim o gun yasadigim, daha adini bile koyamadigim aciyla
yeni bi dunyada uyandim. Hayatimin ne kadarda karanlik oldugunu farkettim sanki
bir anda pembe gozluklerim kirildi ve o masumiyetimi kaybettim. Nefes almak
zorlasti ve O bunun ana sebebi bile degildi.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Gunler, haftalar, aylar gecti ve nerdeyse 2 yil sonra
elimdeki telefona numarasini yazmayi becerebildim.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Sesi hem tamamen farkli, hemde hic degismemisti.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Aradiktan 5 gun sonra o yine benimdi… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>ama ben kactim.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Tam 1 yili bi konusup bi kusup gecirdikten sonra kacmayi biraktim.
Buyumustuk artik.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Ben bir adam sevdim.</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Benim icin ne kadar yanlis biri oldugunu en basindan beri
farkindaydim ama umursamadim. Tek hayalimiz mutlu olmakti. Karsimiza cikan
herseyi ve herkesi kirmayi becerdik. Birbirimizi bile. Derin bir uykuda,
gorunmeyecek ruyalarin pesinden kostuk. Sonra ben uyandim…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Kalmami bile istemedi, pesimden asla gelmedi. Bir zamanlar
sikica tuttugu ellerimi dusunmeden birakti. Bu gunun geliceginden o da
farkindaydi. Benim kurtulmami istedi ama o asla kendini kurtaramadi,
kurtarilmak istemedi.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Ona olan sevgimde kayiplara karisti, halen anlam
veremiyorum.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Aylar gecmis ondan ayrilali ama halen arkadasim. Onu
anliyorum. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Ben bir adami sevmistim</b> ama O’da, ona olan sevgimde, o derin
uykuda kaybolup gitti.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-align: right;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-align: right;"> <i> Ve ben yenilendim.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-align: right;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
SummerSmilerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17971553253726295293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6773868466967066436.post-1950992032464918672013-03-10T19:51:00.000+00:002013-03-10T19:57:52.383+00:00Artik seni ozlemek istemiyorum..<br />
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Uzagimda olmandan ve bu mesafe denen aptalca seyden biktim! </div>
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Yanimda ol istiyorum. Tamam belki hergun gorusmezdik ama en azindan seninle
ayni sehrin pis havasini icime cekmek istiyorum. Gokyuzu Londra’nin degil, o
sehrin grisi olsun istiyorum. Sana sarilmak istiyorum. Sessizce seninle ya
oturmak yada uzanmak Ortasindan basladigimiz filmler izlemek. Umursamadigimiz
takimlarin maclarini takip etmek. Hatta didismek, seninle yuz yuze tartismak,
sana sinirlenip icmek, salak gibi yine sinirden yerde uzanip salona donmeni
beklerken geldiginde umursamiyomus ve halen sana kizginmisim gibi yaparken
sadece bana gulumsemeni beklemek. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Bunlarin hepsini gectim. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Yeterki yanimda ol. Varligini hissetmeme ihtiyacim var.
Kendimi guvende hissettigim o huzurlu saatleri dusundukce suan olabilcegim en
yanlis yerde oldugumu farkedip duruyorum. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>Neden en sevdiklerimiz, en deger verdiklerimiz hep en
uzaktaki insanlardir?</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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Hic biri yakin bi tarihte gerceklesmeyecek,<o:p></o:p></div>
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Belli ki cok sey istiyorum. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>I want to fall asleep in your arms again...</i></div>
SummerSmilerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17971553253726295293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6773868466967066436.post-32438686075454466302013-02-09T18:32:00.002+00:002013-02-09T18:32:38.127+00:00Hayatin en buyuk hobisi... vol:1<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Bu sacmaligin bi cikis kapisi olmali degil mi?! Ama nerde?<br />
<br />
Dogru duzgun kimseye derdimi anlatamamami bosverdim, ama bu hayatin illa gelip agzima sicmasi nedir? Nasil bi sadistliktir bu? Nefes alirken yoruluyorum artik, strese girmedigim bi an yok gibi, gorunmez eller bogazimi sariyor ve ben bu durumdan kurtulamiyorum!<br />
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Tabikide butun bunlarin sadece benim basima geldigini dusunecek kadar bilmez yada umursamaz degilim.<br />
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Gercekten basim donuyor ve sabrim git gide tukeniyor.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Biraz gucum oldugunda bu yaziya devam ederim...</span>SummerSmilerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17971553253726295293noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6773868466967066436.post-34645694225067123392013-01-31T21:03:00.002+00:002013-01-31T21:03:37.983+00:00Sabir.<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Sanirim
bugune kadar yapmak istemedigim seyleri zorla yapmak zorunda kaldim. Oysa
hersey kendi iyiligim icindi. Rasyonel dusununce ve sonuca varilinca kazanan
ben olucaktim. Ama yolun ortasina bile gelindi mi emin degilim, bilmiyorum, ama
damali bayragi goremeden kendimi kaybettim.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Hayatimda bi
eksiklik hissediyorum. Buyuk bi eksiklik. Halen adini koyamadigim,
tanimlayamadigim, anlam veremedigim derin bir kuyu gibi. Iyi olmadigimi itiraf
bile edemiyorum kendime. Sadece anneme “iyi degilim” diyebildim ve bu iki
kelimeye ettigim an kontrolsuz bi sekilde aglamaya basladim. Beni rahatlaticak
sarkilar acmistim oysa, odamda, tek bir isigin altinda. Yari karanlik. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Nefes aldikca
karnimdaki agri gittikce belirginlesiyor. Bedenimdeki yuk artiyor. Bogazim daha
da dugumleniyor. Dort duvarin arasinda hapsoluyorum ve kapiyi buldugumu sandigim an ortadan kayboluyor. Ve herseyin
sonunda kendimi yatagimin sol ust kosesinde kivrilmis ve yuzum tamamen kizarmis
bi halde buluyorum. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Elimi kalbime
koyup sakinlesmeye calisiyorum. Ama icimden gelen tek sey icimdeki her neyse
onu yalin ellerimle cekip cikartmak ve bi kenara atmak oluyor.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">En cokta
herseyi birakip kacmak istiyorum. En son istedigim sey bulundugum yerde
olmakken kendimi burda mahkum olmusum gibi hissediyorum. Ama oyle, hic bi yere
kacamiyorum. Her gece gordugum kabuslardan uyandigimdan daha kotu bi halde,
adeta nefes almami engellemeye calisan bi aciyla bi duello icindeyim, ve
yeniliyorum. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Artik neden
diye soramiyorum bile. Orayi geceli yillar olmus zaten. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Hep mutlu ve
huzurlu uyanicagim sabahlarin hayallerini kurardim ama bosuna umitlenemem
artik. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Patience. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
SummerSmilerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17971553253726295293noreply@blogger.com9